Can I eat my kids yet?

“DON’T GO PEE OUT THERE NAKED.  Squid, you don’t go pee naked.  Everyone see you.  what you were thinking ’bout, peeing in the front yard?”

“Nuthin’. I just pee. DragonMonkey, Let me in.”

 “Boys, your mom is out running errands.  I’ll be watching you while she’s gone.  You can play with any of my sons’ toys that you want, but all I ask is that you pick them up when you’re done.  Understand, Dragonmonkey?

“Yes, Mrs. D.”


“Yes, Mrs. D.”

“Okay have fun.”

“Boys – I need you to clean this up.  You’ve scattered toys all over the hall, and in the living room.  Come put them away.”

“Yes, Mrs. D.”

“Yes, Mrs. D.”

“DragonMonkey, Squid, both of you come here, right now.  Look what you did – when I said you needed to put the toys away, I meant you needed to actually put them away, not just throw them in my son’s room and shut the door.  Do you understand?”

“Yes.  I sowwy, Mrs. D.”

“That’s fine, Squid.  Thank you for apologizing.  Just clean them up and you’ll be fine…. DragonMonkey?”




“DragonMonkey, you can either answer me and go clean up those toys, or you can go on the timeout chair.”

“Awww, shit.  SHIT.  Fine, Mrs. D.”


At five and three years old, they’re probably too big to eat, right?


12 thoughts on “Can I eat my kids yet?

  1. You can only eat your kids in times of severe famine, like the Donner party. And then the order is, dog, horse, children. What do they teach you young people these days? Sheesh!


  2. PS: I mean… I love you all, not just Redhorse…. I mean.. crap.

    See, this is why I don't reply in the comments. How do I reply to just one person, and not everyone else, without it being awkward?

    Sigh. Nevermind. I'm gonna go back to being silent.


  3. Becky, I have a very bad sense of humor because growing up I had two very naughty younger brothers. Needless to say, your boys remind me of them. Fifty years from now you'll have a good laugh.

    What would I call my blog? Cranky Old Woman? Rude Cranky Old Woman? I just woke up from a dream about flirting with cowboys at a big horseshow. I'm not ready to be real yet, but I love all of you too.


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