The following is a verbatim one-sided transcript. I opened my laptop, and for seventeen minutes I typed down everything that came out of the DragonMonkey’s mouth.
Mama? You hungry? Would you pwease eat me?
Mama, can you pwease eat me?
Mama, would you pwease put me in your tummy?
Mama, can I pwease get in your tummy?
May I pwease have that cat food?
May I pwease eat that cat food?
May I pwease have this?
May I pwease have that? Pwease?
May I pwease get in your tummy?
May I pwease have nonope [oatmeal]?
Mama, you make nonope?
May I please eat some nonope?
Mommy. Mommy, yook. Yook. Mommy, yook. Yook right now. Mama, YOOK. This bewongs in Mommy’s room. Mommy, yook in my eyes. Not at tv. Mommy. Mama. Ma, yook. YOOK AT ME. Mommy, this bewongs mommy’s room.
May I pwease have an egg? In a bowl?
Yes, I want more nonope.
May I pwease be done now? Thank you.
May I pwease go poo poo? Thank you.
MAMA, ALL DONE GO POO POO! WIPE MY BUTT! MAMA! COME WIPE MY BUTT! RIGHT NOW, MAMA! WIPE MY BUTT, RIGHT NOW!
I sorry. Mama, may you pwease wipe my butt?
Mama, come here. Hold still. I need to cut you. Quit moving so hard, I need to cut you.
GIVE ME BACK MY KNIFE!
Mama, may I pwease be done stand in corner?
Mama, may I pwease have my knife?
There. I cut you. You dead.
May I pwease have some peanut butter?
May I pwease put peanut butter on da couch?
May I pwease jump on da couch?
May I pwease jump on da peanut butter?
May I pwease have wings? May I pwease fwy? Would you pwease give me wings to fwy?
Can I fwy?
I not have wings? Birds have wings? May I pwease cut wings off bird and put on me? Put one wight here… put other wing wight here… and I fwy away. Pwease? Pwease give me wings from bird so I can fwy?
Bird no need wings. I need wings. I take wings. Cut wings off bird.
Not cut bird? Why? Make Mama sad? Make Mama sad if DragonMonkey cut bird and take da wings?
I take da wings. Bye, bird. Mama go cry.
Make Mama sad?
Mama, yook. Mama, pwease yook at me. Pwease. May you pwease wook at me, Mama. Pwease? Mommy. Mama, pwease yook. Pwease yook. Mama. Pwease? Yook. BANG. You dead.
No, Mama, keep yooking. Mama, you dead. Mama, yook again. Pwease. May you pwease yook at me? Bang. You dead again.
Creepy little kid.
I liked it better when he mumbled. At least I could pretend he was saying sweet things.