….And the Winner Is….

Alright, alright.  I get it.

“Guess That DragonMonkey” was a total flop.  I only managed to get two videos of him – one from two months ago where he’s mumbling halfheartedly while burying his face in his dad’s neck….

And then there was Saturday morning’s video, where he looks straight at the camera and enunciates so clearly that it looks like I turned off the camera right before he launched into a rousing rendition of the Gettysburg Address.

Seriously, kid… you had to pick that ONE time to enunciate clearly?  I gave you free reign to mumble as much as you want, and all of a sudden you’ve developed the magical ability to say your “R”s and your “L”s, as well as every consonant in between?

You just wait.  I’ll get you back for this.  One day soon you’ll be in high school, innocently trying to fit in with all the cool kids.  You’ll be standing there, awkwardly posing and doing your best to be part of the crowd… and suddenly you’ll see me.  I’m going to dash onto campus and run up to you and all of your friends in the lunch area and hand you the lunch you forgot at home.   It will be a delicious, nutritional lunch.  And I will pack it in a pink My Little Ponies lunchbox.

Also, I will be wearing a large sombrero. 

You know – to shield my eyes from the sun.

 What, sombreros aren’t “in”?  Sweetie, Mama doesn’t like the sun in her eyes.  Here’s your lunch, lovebug.  I packed it extra special for you.  What’s that?  You don’t want to give me a kiss in front of your friends?  Awwww, hi guys!  I’m DragonMonkey’s mama!  I love my little boy so much… you guys be nice to him, okay?  Love you, DragonMonkey!  Have a great day at school.  Oh, here, wait…. Let me lick my thumb and try to dab at the imaginary spot of dirt on your cheek.  Okay, got it.  Love you!  Adios!  Ai-yi-yi-yi!

Revenge is a dish best served with a heaping side of humiliation.  Just you wait. 

Wait, where was I? 

Oh, yeah, that’s right. 

We’re moving!

If you remember, staying forever in California was never the plan.  I wrote about it here , and we meant it.  The Bean and I even made a trip or two out to the Phoenix area to look at where we would want to live, and we finally settled on Queen Creek.  The homes were a great price, it was a very horse-friendly community, and we both immediately felt at home beneath the wide-open blue skies and sun-baked desert earth.  There’s something about that desert that calls to both of us.  It seemed like the perfect fit.

So, naturally, we’re moving here:

Because, you know,  Phoenix and Portland are practically the same place.

They’re, like, both in the United States. 

They’re even on the same western half.

And they both begin with the letter “P”.

Can you believe it? 

The similarities are almost eerie.  It kinda makes the hair on the back of your arms stand up, doesn’t it?

The Bean and I realize this is a big decision, and a huge departure from what we originally had planned.  Sure, he might have received a fantastic job offer from a really great accounting firm.  And yes, the move satisfies my number one requirement, which is that it’s out of California.   Nevertheless, while The Bean has been to Portland many times, with the exception of a few summer weeks spent in Montana, I’ve never been further north than Santa Rosa, California.  Oregon is a complete mystery to me.

Well, okay.  It’s not a complete mystery.  I know it rains a lot there.  And, uh, it’s green, which is something I’ll have to get used to.  I’ve never lived anywhere green before.

Umm… let’s see.  What else do I know?

Rain?  Check.

Green?  Check.

Lack of sun?  Check.  What else?  Oh, yeah!  It’s been rumored that they have good coffee.  That’ll be nice.

Oh, and apparently they also have a thing called “hipsters” there, which I am looking forward to seeing.  It’ll be like bird watching, but instead of looking for brightly colored wings and differently-shaped beaks, I’ll be on the lookout for slouching 20 year olds with eyebrow rings and strange outfits.

With all of my deep wells of knowledge about the Portland area, The Bean and I immediately did what any sane couple would do when moving to an unknown area:

We bought a house.

We spent about two weeks shopping on the internet, and then once we had it narrowed down The Bean flew up there one weekend and we bought a house in a little town outside of Portland.  Since he is by far pickier than I am, I knew I could rely on his judgment.  Nevertheless, I asked him to take a lot pictures.  Ever considerate, The Bean took tons of pictures of both the inside and outside of the house.

Naturally, the camera had a severe malfunction and erased all but two of them.  Thank heavens for the pictures on the listing, or I’d be going kind of crazy. 

So, there you have it.  If you’ll notice, I have a little countdown clock on the right sidebar (not that I’m excited or anything.)  On June 1st, at way-too-early in the morning, The Bean and I will load up the kids, the cats, and the dog and start the eighteen hour journey to the Pacific Northwest.

To move to the state I’ve never visited.

To the town I’d never heard of before.

And into the home I’ve never seen.

Well.  At the very least, this should be an adventure!  Batten down your hatches, Portland, because here we come!


(PS:  Congratulations,  Poniegirle!  Since we had so many correct guesses I assigned you all numbers, had The Bean choose at random, and you are the winner!  Shoot me a mailing address and I will get this box in the mail to you… Although, if I’m being honest, it’s probably going to be a week or so before I make it to the post office.)


17 thoughts on “….And the Winner Is….

  1. Awesome! you will like Portland. The rain isn't that bad, it's a bit colder than Cali but you get use to it. You will only be a 6-8 hour drive from some of us who live in Washington and I know that there are some of your readers that live in Oregon so you already “know” people. Unless some of us turn out to be crazy stalker people… It would be fun to meet you and go for a ride.

    Congrats to Poniegirle on winning a box of stuff!


  2. I live in Queen Creek 🙂 My husband picked out our house without me seeing it. I was super pregnant at the time, my brain was mush and could not make a decision for the life of me. He picked out a great house.

    I think moving to Portland sounds like a great adventure 🙂


  3. ps, I actually love portland, so my loving the show portlandia is not because I think it isn't awesome! 🙂

    good luck with the move and everything! You will love it in june there, you'll have the whole summer to enjoy before the rain swamps you in winter. It is a great time to move there. I live in BC on an island, so I can tell you that while the rain can get you down, you do get used to it pretty fast. 🙂


  4. You already know about all my Portland connections. I even went to library school in Portland (now THAT was an adventure!).

    You're gonna love it. And there will be many, many horses.


  5. You bought a house!!!! How exciting! You'll be out of California and in your own house. Of course, you know you will have to put the girls and me up for the night when we come see you or when we are on our way to Washington.


  6. Congrats on getting a new house and getting out of California! Portland is a beautiful, beautiful city with good public transit, lots of microbreweries, and a lovely view of Mount St. Helens. There is also a decent mall and tons of forestland. The air is crisp and clean, which amazed me because I am from the Fresno area and I sometimes forget that there are mountains nearby because the smog shrouds anything over 5 miles away.

    Any word on whether the new digs will be horse-friendly?


  7. Oh Becky!
    I too have been reading your blog forever- you got me hooked on “The Hunger Games.” i live in a suburb of Portland called Milwaukie. This is in Clackamas county. I've been told that Clackamas has more horses per capita then any other county in the country. I don't know if it is true or not but oh boy do we have horses here. Wanna know another secret? There are a number of Canadian horses here (they look like foundation style Morgans). You prefer other types? We got it all.

    Of course, they are all currently up to their necks in mud and my pony has started his Spring transformation from Chia pet to sleek and tubby but oh do we have horses!

    Welcome to the neighborhood!
    POA girl


  8. I'm so jealous! I would Love to move to Oregon it is soooooo beautiful and there are tons of waterfalls! We flew into Portland and drove north thru the Columbia Gorge – breathtaking and would do it again in a heartbeat.


  9. I LOVE Portland. It is a fun, interesting place. One time I went there I got to see the naked bike ride (7,000 strong?) AND the gay pride parade which went on for hours and hours. There are fantastic parks for hiking in in the middle of the city.
    Uh, yeah… watch Portlandia. 🙂


  10. what, there are no hipsters in california? isn't california their home planet?

    i just heard on the radio in cologne that the section of downtown where i work is considered hipster central. this is odd to me because in the 6 monhths i've been there, i've never noticed a hipster. maybe they blend into the normal german people. i'll have to start looking carefully.

    if you really like phoenix, i'm a little worried about your move to portland. the horses should help but there's a price to pay for all the natural beauty. but hey, no sales tax. and there's the oregon country fair. and the prettiest beaches on the pacific coast. oooh i'm excited for you!


  11. You'll have to make sure you check out Voo Doo Doughnuts in Portland, it is a famous landmark! (not to mention that they make FANTASTIC-AWESOME-TOTALLY-BAD-FOR-YOU-BUT-OH-SO-GOOD doughnuts!)




  12. I'm moving down to the area myself—we'll have to compare notes. We're actually moving to Salem (about an hour outside Portland) this weekend.

    I've been happily thriving in the desert for the past 7 years, but now it is time for mountains and swamps and slippery trails, I guess.

    Join PNER! Come ride with us! ET CETERA!

    Congrats on moving to the NW. You're gonna hate the weather and love the people. 🙂


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