They May Take Our Lives, But They’ll Never Take Our Beans!

Sometimes I wish we still lived in a more romantic time… a time with horses, and knights, and honor.


I know, I know.  If I was alive back then I’d either be dead or a really old lady. I’d crippled by work and arthritis, and I’d probably be toothless from mild scurvy and a lack of calcium.  I would have married at 15, and with my fertility I would have 14-15 children instead of the two I have now.  I might even have a grandchild or two.

Yes, yes, I know all that.  I just choose to forget about that.

In my daydream, despite the fact that I’m female, I’m a totally cool warrior chick – like Paksennarion from the Elizabeth Moon series.  I kind of imagine a world where women are equal to men and we can serve alongside them.  Since it’s my daydream, I’m in perfect shape, can run for miles and hit a target with my bow at 300 yards.  Basically, I just run around, riding horses, defending justice, and kicking ass.  I have a coat of arms, a family sigil, and a battle cry that I cry out to the heavens as I raise my sword and charge into battle.

It’s a good daydream.

And then reality sets in, and I start thinking about how stupid I’d look wearing a coat of arms with the insignia of a piddling cocker spaniel.

And, you know, crying out “Beeeaaaaaans!” wouldn’t exactly strike fear into the heart of the enemy.  I’d just sound hungry, or like I was complaining about being gassy.

Oh, well.  I guess it’s for the best. 


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9 thoughts on “They May Take Our Lives, But They’ll Never Take Our Beans!

  1. “FULFORDS!” Which sounds properly English, because it is.

    Only it means “dirty ford/from the dirty ford.”

    That's terrifying, really. “We are all muddy & dirty!! We will get you all dirty! We will stain your whites! They will never be clean again because there is no bleach! We are the MUDDERS!”

    A gazillion geekazoid points if you can tell me what movie that's from.
    …(Please tell me you know that movie!)

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  2. Do I yell “Sunshine” or “Pants” in this instance? And which sounds cooler? Because, I think if I yelled “Paaants”, it would sound like I was after the enemy's pants. Or perhaps that I was missing my own. Or some such thing.

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  3. And you'd smell really bad. And since you'd have no shampoo or conditioner your hair would look like those wanna-be white kids who try to do the rasta thing.

    Other than that, it's a good fantasy, I'd kick ass on horseback with you if I could ride in the granny brigade. Did they have mounting blocks in the middle ages?

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  4. “Beans!” Could be a warning of your family's impending secret weapon.

    History made with the first silent bomb, designed to repulse the masses yet leave buildings standing and dogs sniffing the air…..

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