So, I hear some bloggers do reviews.
Apparently you can get paid for stuff like that.
I am now about to demonstrate why nobody will ever hire me to review their product.
Product: MotherLove More Milk Plus
Claim: “A safe and effective herbal formula designed to quickly increase breast milk for breastfeeding mothers.”
Effectiveness according to me: Hey, you know what? This stuff actually works. I took it, I did all those other handy tricks (drank tons of water, ate oatmeal, pumped more often), and in about a week I had increased from about 9-10 ounces per workday to 13-14 ounces per workday. Who knows? It’s only been a week… maybe I will increase even more. This stuff definitely does its job.
Why I bothered writing this review: After taking my dose this morning I finally figured out how to describe the taste…. Do you remember The Matrix? Do you remember the way people looked when they were mid-morph, when the agents were possessing them and their face was melting off in a kind horrified scream, features twisting in agony?
Yup. It tastes just like that. It’s such a great flavor.
I made The Bean taste a tiny drop once. He brushed his teeth for twenty minutes.
You know what? I’m feeling kind of mean right now. The Bean is lying comfortably on our sofa, curled up with a cat.
It’s time for my noon dosage of the face-melting, highly-effective Motherlove More Milk Plus.
I’m going to go take my medicine.
And then I’m going to save just a teensy bit of it between my lips… and go kiss The Bean.
Stay tuned. I’ll let you know what his reaction is.
Update: His face lit up as I went down to give him a loving kiss….. and then once he tasted it he buried his face in the couch pillow and moaned. “You’re sick… SICK. Why would you do that? Nasty! You’re SICK!”
And then as I stood in front of him, cackling:
“Move. I can’t see the tv.”
I think he’ll survive.