I am SO sorry.
Look, there are people who can puke quietly, and there are people who can’t.
As I’m sure you’re all aware by now, I can’t.
I am not one of those quiet, dainty pukers.
I wish I was, though. Trust me, I’d much rather head into the bathroom and deposit my breakfast/lunch/snack/whatever into the toilet with nothing more than a delicate cough. It’d be awesome. I could be, like, a dainty little geisha of morning sickness.
But I’m not.
I’m so sorry. For both our sakes.
Look, I’m sorry that it sounds like I’m waging a great and epic battle. I’m really not. There’s no angry horde that I’m fighting against. There’s no bellowing minotaur attacking me in the bathroom stall.
It’s just me. Puking. And I know you don’t believe it, but I’m really trying to be quiet about it.
So now that I’ve explained myself, do you think it’s possible that you could stop crowding around the door of the bathroom, whispering in awe? It’s kind of embarrassing enough as it is.