Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Motherhood is weird.

I spend less time parenting than I do shepherding the DragonMonkey around the house as he pingpongs around from danger to danger.

And I catch the weirdest stuff coming out of my mouth.

“Bleach is not for babies.”

“Get your hands out of the toilet.”

“Get that tampon out of your mouth!” <— unused!

“No playing in the trash.”

“Quit making yourself vomit!”

“Knives are not for playing.”

“Don’t eat the cellphone.”

The list goes on. I’m trying to keep track of the strange things I find myself saying, mostly so I can embarrass the DragonMonkey once he’s in high school. Today’s addition to the list?

“Quit licking the cat.”