I Hate Cats

How to trap a cat:

Step 1: Spend hours doing all your laundry, including all the necessary steps. Note: The more time-consuming and frustrating it was to do your laundry, the greater the chances of you catching a cat.

Step 2: Leave out some of the clean, freshly-folded laundry. It doesn’t matter where, just so that it’s not locked away in a clean, totally inaccessible spot. Go to bed.

Step 3: Visit your “trap line”.

That’s it! You’ve trapped a cat. It really is that simple.

Apparently, cats are unable to resist the lure of sleeping on clean clothing. I’ve actually tested my hypothesis by placing one tiny little item of clean clothing (a sock) in various, vaguely uncomfortable places (on the mantel, on a corner of the desk, beside the chair, in the middle of a hardwood floor)… and guess what? Yup. Every single morning I wake up, regardless of where I placed the item, there’s a cat on it.

Of course, this minor inconvenience is NOTHING compared to the all-out peeing war I had with the cat pictured (His name is Comet, and he belongs to my husband).*** That was not a fun time in our relationship. I think it’s a testament to my shiny-wonderful, happy-good-nature that Comet is even allowed in our home, let alone allowed to roam freely and sleep on all our clean laundry.

Anyhow, I’m off to bed. In a freshly-washed hairy set of pajamas. To sleep beneath my recently-laundered, hair-infested sheets.

I hate cats.


***It’s important to note that it was COMET that was peeing everywhere, not me.

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