So, I could go into a really long explanation about why I think I’m a bad mom, but it really boils down to fixing the following issue:
A: I need to find a way to get some more sleep.
B: I need to stop walking my newborn son’s head into walls. And bumping it on his crib when I pull him out. And knocking it into stuff when I put him in. And dropping cell phones on it. At this point, I’m not sure he even has a soft spot left.
You know, I thought I’d spend a whole long post trying to explain why The Bean and I decided on “DragonMonkey” as a pet name for our soon-to-be-born son. Then I realized that this is definitely one of those cases where a picture is worth a thousand words.
This is the picture I saw when discovered I was pregnant.
This is not exactly what I was expecting to see when I typed in “fetus, age 6 weeks”. I understood on some level that it wasn’t going to look like a Gerber baby, but really. I mean, my fetus had a tail. It also appeared to be growing itself some handy little spinal spikes. Horrified, I immediately forwarded the photo to The Bean, and let him know that it looked like we weren’t going to be having a baby after all, but rather a baby dragon.
He replied that it was just the pregnancy hormones talking, and that I should calm down. It was obvious that we weren’t going to be having a baby dragon, but rather a baby monkey. In fact, he seemed quite pleased by the idea. He told me that he would rather have a monkey than a baby anyways. After all, as Dane Cook points out in one of his skits, monkeys make faces that are socially unacceptable in public, and are prone to flinging their poo about in a festive manner. Who wouldn’t want as an addition to the household rather than a baby?
I countered with the fact that a dragon would be MUCH handier to have about than a baby, as it could fly us around whenever traffic was bad, and singe any noisy neighbors with fire from it’s gullet (the gullet is the incorrectly labled “heart prominence” in the above photo.)
This discussion continued on for some time, until we finally came to the conclusion that we were probably both right. So, there you go. Within the next couple of days I should be giving birth to our firstborn, The DragonMonkey. Wish me luck!